National Health Plan to Contain $2 Trillion Deductible

Hopes for a quick fix for the nation’s health insurance woes were dampened somewhat today when the medical industry released its draft proposal for a plan that would include a $2 trillion deductible.

“We know that some critics will regard this number as a little on the high side,” said Carol Foyler, a spokesperson for the American Medical Association, who had a hand in drafting the plan. “But bear in mind, once America reaches that $2 trillion number, everything is covered at fifty percent.”

The AMA proposal includes other details certain to raise eyebrows, such as a mandatory full-body CAT Scan for all Americans over the age of 12.

“Some people may regard this as unnecessary testing, but it’s going to take a lot of CAT Scans if America’s ever going to reach the deductible,” Ms. Foyler said.

The AMA spokesperson said that the health industry was looking to cut costs in other ways, such as creating a 50,000 square-foot “national waiting room” on the site of an abandoned Chrysler plant in Flint, Michigan.

The proposal has it share of other controversial features, including a pharmaceutical plan that consists of a plane ticket to Canada.

the Borowitz Report